"Today is Coke and Pepsi McDonald's thirteenth birthday. Someone's out to make sure they never make it to thirteen and a half."

Racing across America,
the twins will nearly be
boiled alive
in a huge basket of french fries,
frozen to death
by soft-serve ice cream,
stampeded
in a wild stadium riot,
kidnapped
from a high-speed
roller coaster, and
worst of all
their parents think
they're totally joking

Will they survive? Will they defeat Archie Clone? Will they be dropped out of a helicopter onto the tip of the Washington Monument? Will they ever say "genius"?